After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
