somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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