capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
