It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
