I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
