I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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