She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
