I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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