Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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