I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
