tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
someone owes me an orgasm
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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