I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
