Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
