I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
