My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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