I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
