This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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