im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
