is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
