dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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