her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
