grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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