He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
