Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
