mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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