HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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