I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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