All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
