I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
