I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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