Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
