Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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