I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
