when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
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