how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
