Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
