I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
