Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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