I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
