We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
