): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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