Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
