Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
