I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
