So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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