Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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