It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
