he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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