Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The air taste purple.
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