If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
