I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
