If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
