took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
