I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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