Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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