youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
