11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
