They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
