I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
