Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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